I now understand the defensive nature many mothers experience when their children hang out with ‘the wrong crowd’ or fall in love with the ‘wrong soul-mate’. Because I do not want to feel that pain, though I know I likely will.
I can feel my blood boil when I witness young children smoking an e-cigarette or when I view ignorant status’ on social media coming from a developing brain, because I know one day you may be witness to those very acts.
I cannot shelter you forever, my love.
This I am sure of.
The very thought of you becoming someone who is not your full potential breaks my heart, because I see you in a way no one else does.
I have seen you laugh uncontrollably at the most innocent things.
I will never forget your first laugh.
I will never forget your first smile.
As you grow, you may feign a smile. You may fake a giggle. But as you are now, it’s simply impossible to fake any emotion that comes from within you.
You are genuine. You are kind. You are authentically you; barely touched by the outside world.
I worry about our surroundings and how it will leave an everlasting impression on you.
Because it will.
Oh, it will.
I can only hope that how I raise you will condition you in a positive way; that your upbringing will guide you in the right direction. However, there will always lay an underlying fear. One I cannot control. Because I know you like no other, my child.
I carried you for nine months. I held you in my arms and witnessed your first breath, your first cry, and the first moment you woke up to the love that surrounded you. You saw me peering into your beautiful blue eyes.
I was the first to meet you in more ways than one.
You were born with the personality that is unfolding day in and day out. It was present nearly two days, to be exact, out of the womb.
I understand that the environment which surrounds you will influence you and slowly mold you into the individual you will undeniably become. As frustrating as it may feel, I have little control over whom you will develop into.
“We raise our children to be independent. Then, suddenly they are.” – Teresa Lembo
I can only hope and pray for the best for you, my love. And by guiding you in these early years of your life, I trust that you will make the right decisions with the right people.
There will be times when you do not. This I am sure of. And when you don’t, I will still be here, my sweet child.
Because no one knows you like I do; my baby.
Words by Julian Jamie